2008 Woodie Awards
Only in America: a food fight on 'Alien Day'
Colleen Sullivan
Issue date: 4/2/03 Section: Student Opinion
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War, terrorist threats, budget crisis . . . Alien Day? Yes America, at a time of economic and social upheaval, the intelligence and resourcefulness of our legislators surely becomes evident.
In New Mexico, state legislator Dan Foley proposed on March 9, 2003, that the state should honor all extraterrestrial beings with a special day that will "celebrate and honor all past, present and future extraterrestrial visitors" to New Mexico, the measure reads.
Foley believes that capitalizing on something that "did or did not happen in 1947" would help the entire state economically. Great Idea #57: Profiting off things that don't, didn't or might not ever happen. I'm not 100 percent sure, but the last time I checked, I thought this was considered fraud.
But wait, if fraud is really what is happening here, we could dig a little deeper. Americans are paying taxes to fund the salaries of these people who create the scams that suck up our money. Meanwhile, the scam artists encourage us to be better consumers and tax that money as well. I think this must make sense to the aliens.
Who knows, maybe they are in on this too.
Not to be outdone by the ridiculous and inane measures of state legislators during a time of crisis, Washington's congressmen and women have become intently concerned with the names of their foods. In case you hadn't already heard of "Freedom Fries" or "Freedom Toast," this next bit is for you.
France's refusal to back the U.S.-led preemptive attack of Iraq triggered a verbal food fight in the restaurants of the House of Representatives, as the "French" in these two food names was replaced with the word "Freedom." House Administrative Chairman Bob Ney (the anti-French guy), an Ohio Republican, spoke in defense of the name changes, stating, "This action today is a small, but symbolic effort to show the strong displeasure of many on Capitol Hill with the actions of our so-called ally, France."
It is apparent that the congressmen and women of the United States are beginning to act like second graders, calling names and pointing fingers at "so-called allies," trying to start a fight so they can take the oil that belongs to someone else. And what kind of fight? An all-out verbal food fight. (Watch out, the French have baguettes!)
In New Mexico, state legislator Dan Foley proposed on March 9, 2003, that the state should honor all extraterrestrial beings with a special day that will "celebrate and honor all past, present and future extraterrestrial visitors" to New Mexico, the measure reads.
Foley believes that capitalizing on something that "did or did not happen in 1947" would help the entire state economically. Great Idea #57: Profiting off things that don't, didn't or might not ever happen. I'm not 100 percent sure, but the last time I checked, I thought this was considered fraud.
But wait, if fraud is really what is happening here, we could dig a little deeper. Americans are paying taxes to fund the salaries of these people who create the scams that suck up our money. Meanwhile, the scam artists encourage us to be better consumers and tax that money as well. I think this must make sense to the aliens.
Who knows, maybe they are in on this too.
Not to be outdone by the ridiculous and inane measures of state legislators during a time of crisis, Washington's congressmen and women have become intently concerned with the names of their foods. In case you hadn't already heard of "Freedom Fries" or "Freedom Toast," this next bit is for you.
France's refusal to back the U.S.-led preemptive attack of Iraq triggered a verbal food fight in the restaurants of the House of Representatives, as the "French" in these two food names was replaced with the word "Freedom." House Administrative Chairman Bob Ney (the anti-French guy), an Ohio Republican, spoke in defense of the name changes, stating, "This action today is a small, but symbolic effort to show the strong displeasure of many on Capitol Hill with the actions of our so-called ally, France."
It is apparent that the congressmen and women of the United States are beginning to act like second graders, calling names and pointing fingers at "so-called allies," trying to start a fight so they can take the oil that belongs to someone else. And what kind of fight? An all-out verbal food fight. (Watch out, the French have baguettes!)