2008 Woodie Awards
Quick moneymakers for college cash
Timaree Schmit--Daily Nebraskan (U. Nebraska)
Issue date: 9/23/03 Section: Opinion
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(U-WIRE) LINCOLN, Neb. - We're about a month into the semester, leaving you and your fellow students with a few unanswered questions. "Why do I have to take Library 110?"
"Will anyone catch me if I try to sneak beer up to my dorm room?"
"What is that smell coming from my roommate's laundry? Is that stewed beets?"
And most importantly, "Why did I think the $2,000 I made this summer would last me all year????" That's right; your consolidated bill is expected by Oct. 8. And because of your behavior, which could be described as nothing less than a massive lapse in judgment, you spent your last $200 on booze, textbooks and rotisseries advertised in informercials. Nice going, a--hole.
Ahh, don't worry; I won't just let you starve in the dark, cold streets with only a dishwasher box as your shelter. I'll make sure you have at least a refrigerator box. And not some off-brand. You're getting nothing less than a Maytag.
In the meantime, here is my TOP 10 LIST of quick moneymakers.
10. Gambling. If there was ever a sure moneymaker, and I mean absolutely positively certain, gambling is the way to go. Just remember a few bits of advice from someone who knows. When you've been losing all day, just keep trying. Wander on over to the ATM. You're bound to win ... because if gambling wasn't set up to favor the players, why would anyone do it? That'd be idiotic!
9. Street cons and/or blackmail. Here's the easy money, especially downtown. For example: Stand outside a red permit parking lot. Hang a sign reading "Park All Day $1." If a parking Nazi comes around and gives you grief, beat them with their little handheld ticket printer things.
Be creative and put some personality into your very own swindling!
8. MDS Harris, etc. Sell your plasma or donate your body to science for a couple weekends. It's how some of the most famous names in Hollywood got started. I bet you didn't know Halle Berry got discovered testing a medication for colitis. And Jennifer Connelly was noticed by a producer as she argued with a receptionist over whether or not she had filled a specimen jar sufficiently.
"Will anyone catch me if I try to sneak beer up to my dorm room?"
"What is that smell coming from my roommate's laundry? Is that stewed beets?"
And most importantly, "Why did I think the $2,000 I made this summer would last me all year????" That's right; your consolidated bill is expected by Oct. 8. And because of your behavior, which could be described as nothing less than a massive lapse in judgment, you spent your last $200 on booze, textbooks and rotisseries advertised in informercials. Nice going, a--hole.
Ahh, don't worry; I won't just let you starve in the dark, cold streets with only a dishwasher box as your shelter. I'll make sure you have at least a refrigerator box. And not some off-brand. You're getting nothing less than a Maytag.
In the meantime, here is my TOP 10 LIST of quick moneymakers.
10. Gambling. If there was ever a sure moneymaker, and I mean absolutely positively certain, gambling is the way to go. Just remember a few bits of advice from someone who knows. When you've been losing all day, just keep trying. Wander on over to the ATM. You're bound to win ... because if gambling wasn't set up to favor the players, why would anyone do it? That'd be idiotic!
9. Street cons and/or blackmail. Here's the easy money, especially downtown. For example: Stand outside a red permit parking lot. Hang a sign reading "Park All Day $1." If a parking Nazi comes around and gives you grief, beat them with their little handheld ticket printer things.
Be creative and put some personality into your very own swindling!
8. MDS Harris, etc. Sell your plasma or donate your body to science for a couple weekends. It's how some of the most famous names in Hollywood got started. I bet you didn't know Halle Berry got discovered testing a medication for colitis. And Jennifer Connelly was noticed by a producer as she argued with a receptionist over whether or not she had filled a specimen jar sufficiently.